Monday wash line---my hair seems to have become resistant to hairspray. I have tried a couple of different kinds of hairspray and they hold for a short time but I find myself needing to re-apply several times a day which is unusual for me. Perhaps this is another one of those changes that go along with growing older...or maybe my hair has just finally built up an immunity to hairspray. It is an interesting problem especially considering that usually these days I am more concerned about parts of me being too good at stiffly staying in place...Maybe companies that sell hairspray decided they could make more money if their product's effectiveness was shorter-lived.
Anyway...I have now had a week to get used to Daylight Savings Time and I am still disgruntled about losing an hour. My husband is convinced that congressmen just want more golfing time...what's funny about that is I recently learned that the concept of saving day-light is credited in part to an outdoorsman who did actually want more daylight in order to have more time to golf. I was wondering what would happen if some people got increasingly greedy and pretty soon we would set our clocks ahead not one but six hours. At least then teenagers could sleep almost until noon and still be up at sunrise. .. and people could have plenty of time to golf after work...so that probably won't happen...I just don't take kindly to people messing with time (unless it is for time travel but everyone knows you need to be really careful with that) and I especially don't like losing an hour of sleep! I have always been a bit obsessive/perplexed/frustrated/fascinated about the passage of time.
A bit obsessive---I am a clock watcher. I think that is one reason why I do not wear a watch (that and the fact that I forget to wear one---it is one more thing to leave lying around) because I would probably spend too much time looking at it and I would rather guess-timate what time it is. I wake up several times during the night to look at the clock (notice I do not call it my clock) on my nightstand. I started doing this as soon as I reached an age where I needed to get up at a certain time each day. This can get a bit annoying and tiring to the point of sometimes covering the clock so it won't sit there daring me to look but I do find delicious comfort in waking up and looking at the clock to discover that I still have several hours left to sleep before I need to get out of bed. I never just look at the time when I wake up during the night---I automatically start doing a countdown of slumber time remaining. I do something similar on vacations... I begin from day 1 to figure how much time I have left on vacation---I have 5 nights and 4 days left---3 days left---1 day left---4 hours left until the vacation clock stops...I do this no matter what the length of the vacation. It is kind of like the opposite of watching the clock during the last hour of the school day or work day and counting down the minutes remaining. At least I know I am not the only person who does that.
My parents were both very punctual people. My father was in the army so being on time was essential for him. It was a matter of respect. When I was growing up our family was usually first to arrive at most functions. My parents thought if we weren't 5 minutes early then we might as well be late. I grew up being seriously concerned that the world would come to an end if I were late. I still frequently have nightmares about being late for important appointments. This would probably come as a surprise to several people because I am very often running late. You see when I married the man I love he helped me realize that the world doesn't come to an end if you're a few minutes late. That is a good thing but I became a little too relaxed by this new revelation. I think I am naturally a person who enjoys taking my time---who balks at the constraints of time---I am proof that punctuality is not genetic. My mother would always recite to me the old adage 'Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today' and I was quick to revise that, much to my mother's dismay, to 'Don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow'.
A bit perplexed and frustrated--- It seems odd that a clock-watcher like myself could be often running late or that someone with such an acute awareness of the passage of time could be a procrastinator...I seem to be always struggling for control when it comes to time. Time management can be quite the conundrum...you see in order to control time you need to allow yourself to be controlled by time...I get frustrated feeling like I do not have enough time and I watch the clock and fool myself into thinking I can somehow manipulate time in my favor. It's like leaving yourself 20 minutes to make a drive that you know takes at least 25 minutes on a good day or fooling yourself into thinking that you have plenty of time to do that important something you know you should do ---that you have an endless supply of some days---when deep down you can feel a clock ticking because it is a fact that each of us has a time limit on this earth. Maybe punctual achievers respect time and procrastinators fear time...I don't know...I will give this further thought--- tomorrow.
A bit fascinated--- I remember when I was very young I saw a movie called King's Row and I was positively intrigued by how a 2 hour movie could cover a life time. I was so fascinated by the passage of time and how the characters aged. I have always been equally captivated and frustrated by stories that play with time---recently I got sort of addicted to netflix streaming of the show 24 that spread twenty-four hours in one day into twenty-four episodes spanning several months. It was an innovative concept but it was too violent and it would raise my blood pressure to unhealthy levels(probably because it had a running clock in the corner).
I find it interesting how many analogies can be drawn between time and money. Actually a phrase is often used in the working world---'time is money' that defines time as valuable. We can make, save, spend, waste, and invest time. I can picture each of us being given a sack filled with time---golden dust---sands of time---at the beginning of our earthly journey and we are told to use that sack of gold dust wisely on our journey. Some of us decide we want to save our sack of golden time until we get where we are going and we are so focused on reaching success that we fail to notice that there is a small hole in the bottom of our sack and as we move along in our journey the precious time gradually runs out. At some point---for most of us closer to the end of our journey---we realize what is happening. Some people try to move faster before the bag is empty. Others move more slowly thinking that will prevent the gold from running out so quickly. Some panic and stop in the middle of the road trying to fix a hole that can't be fixed. Some plod along murmuring that others seem to have fuller sacks. The smart ones press forward finding good things to do with the gold that they have and with gratitude for how far they have come---similar to the parable of the talents.
Frequently the words to a hymn pass hauntingly through my mind. It is called Improve the Shining Moments. Time flies on wings of lightning; We cannot call it back. It comes, then passes forward Along its onward track. and if we are not mindful, the chance will fade away, for life is quick in passing. 'Tis as a single day. Sobering...
As I have been contemplating the fascinating topic of time I have thought of another song---Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce, who interestingly enough left this existence after quite a short period of time. Think of having bottles of time next to bottles of peaches and salsa (cans in my case) in your storage room. Who wouldn't feel secure having shelves of bottled time with labels like---Time to visit with old friends--Time to cradle sleeping children--Time to learn new things--Time to ponder life--Time to sit in the shade--Time to read a good book--Time to make gourmet meals--Time to do your nails--Time to smell the roses--Time to appreciate good people in your life--Time to express heartfelt love--Time to travel--Time to clean the top of the refrigerator...What would your labels read?
I remember hearing a talk about time management and the speaker said that each of us is given 24 hours in a day and that when we say we didn't have time to do something it would be more honest to say we didn't 'make' time. We can all make time---we have the recipe with our individual adaptations---but sometimes we spend too much time looking for it.
I guess it is better to try to keep time on our side than to race against it and that it is foolish to look forward to having the time of our lives when we are having the time of our lives. Well, I had better go because the clock in the corner of my computer is really making me nervous...today I think I will time how long my hairspray lasts---it could be useful information...
Monday, March 21, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My Friend Denise
Yesterday morning while I was exercising with my friend Denise (Denise Austin--maybe you've heard of her) I had a few thoughts get their aerobic exercise running through my mind...
First, isn't it utterly amazing how our brains can be deep in thought and still control our bodies? I was thinking about something--okay I was worrying--and nothing distracts me from that--and suddenly I realized that I continued doing my exercise routine even though my mind was focused elsewhere---it was like my brain had put my body on auto-pilot. This same type of situation frequently happens while driving. I will be pondering some deep subject (like whether to have rice or pasta with dinner or what color of lipstick makes me look thinner...) and my body will keep driving--my foot will push on the accelerator and my hands will steer. The only problem is that while I am in this auto-pilot zone I will just keep going and going right past my destination. I have spent a good amount of time and gas turning around---I like to think of it as 'taking impromptu scenic tours'. Equally amazing is how we can participate in conversations while our minds are roaming far away from the topic at hand. All of this tells me that our brains are fascinating mechanisms that could only have been designed by God, that there are times when multi-tasking is potentially dangerous, and that I need to keep my mind on a shorter leash...
Another thought was how many people come in and out of our lives, some of them playing important roles, who we really don't know much about . My original OB GYN helped bring three out of four of our children into the world and helped me with various female afflictions for a period (appropriate word choice I guess) of over twenty years and I knew a little about him but not much really for knowing him so --well---intimately-- for so long...And what about the people who we only come in contact with for a brief time but who have an impact on our lives---like doctors who perform surgeries on us or who put us to sleep for those surgeries---I usually get no more info on them than their name or perhaps where they got their medical degree. I never know their favorite color or what they like on their pizza--and I put my life in their hands for a time. Then there are the strangers with whom we exchange a few words of kindness or understanding while waiting in line somewhere. They might make us laugh or teach us something new ---depending on how long the line is we might find out how many kids they have or where they live but we often part ways without exchanging names. Most of the time we don't really need or want a lot of information about people who only drop in and out of our lives and yet sometimes we realize we feel like we're missing something--or that we have come close to having something...
And then...there are all of the people who impact our lives and we never meet them face to face. Think of all the writers, artists, musicians, athletes who touch us in some way--who affect our reality---so--change it really...people who don't know of our existence. Some people who affect our lives do so by bringing fictional characters to life for an hour each week or for the time it takes a movie to play...My favorite aunt and uncle took care of my aunt's mother in her final years and she loved the show Bonanza. Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe were like family to her. My dad near the end of his life would have a hard time distinguishing between television and reality. The two would sort of blurr together (which I'm sure was a bit scary since his favorite shows were crime shows). I remember when I was young (no I am not going to confess to still doing this...) I would write myself into my favorite shows. I am sure there are lots of people who are 'on' American Idol if only while performing in front of their bathroom mirrors...All of this tells me that we need to be very careful who we associate with---this of course applies to real live people and characters who are real to us.
This all brings me back to my friend Denise Austin. She has had the difficult task of being my personal trainer for almost 30 years now. She and I are about the same age and together we have battled post-baby bulge (she has fared much better than I have) in the past and she is currently helping me wage war against all of the middle age that has settled around my middle. Denise always keeps up with the latest in Lycra/spandex fashion and her hair and make up have changed appropriately with the times. Frequently she gets a little mixed up in her directions (hey. I am doing well if I can exercise and think deep thoughts let alone do that and smile continuously and chat without ever getting out of breath) and sometimes her delivery borders on cheesy (she has unknowingly provided entertainment in the past for my kids who burst into fits of giggling watching her) I must confess that there have been several times when I have grumbled when she perkily asks, 'Doesn't that feel good?' and I have learned that she has many 'favorite' workouts and all of them cause pain---But I can't help but smile when she tells me to keep going I'm 'burning butter' and I will push through pain because I really believe I will someday obtain 'a great rear view' or 'rock hard abs'. Denise's energetic approach is contagious and she really knows her stuff. Our friendship has lasted through VHS and DVD and we have gone from fat-burning aerobics to body toning 'hit the spot' workouts to indoor walking to whole body workouts to yoga. So many shared experiences...I was thinking it might be nice to have her over for lunch---she would probably make me eat something healthy--maybe we will just continue to be exercising 'friends'.
Our minds and our bodies are indeed precious gifts... more precious than we usually take time to contemplate...
Does letting my mind wander while I exercise count as an out of body experience?
First, isn't it utterly amazing how our brains can be deep in thought and still control our bodies? I was thinking about something--okay I was worrying--and nothing distracts me from that--and suddenly I realized that I continued doing my exercise routine even though my mind was focused elsewhere---it was like my brain had put my body on auto-pilot. This same type of situation frequently happens while driving. I will be pondering some deep subject (like whether to have rice or pasta with dinner or what color of lipstick makes me look thinner...) and my body will keep driving--my foot will push on the accelerator and my hands will steer. The only problem is that while I am in this auto-pilot zone I will just keep going and going right past my destination. I have spent a good amount of time and gas turning around---I like to think of it as 'taking impromptu scenic tours'. Equally amazing is how we can participate in conversations while our minds are roaming far away from the topic at hand. All of this tells me that our brains are fascinating mechanisms that could only have been designed by God, that there are times when multi-tasking is potentially dangerous, and that I need to keep my mind on a shorter leash...
Another thought was how many people come in and out of our lives, some of them playing important roles, who we really don't know much about . My original OB GYN helped bring three out of four of our children into the world and helped me with various female afflictions for a period (appropriate word choice I guess) of over twenty years and I knew a little about him but not much really for knowing him so --well---intimately-- for so long...And what about the people who we only come in contact with for a brief time but who have an impact on our lives---like doctors who perform surgeries on us or who put us to sleep for those surgeries---I usually get no more info on them than their name or perhaps where they got their medical degree. I never know their favorite color or what they like on their pizza--and I put my life in their hands for a time. Then there are the strangers with whom we exchange a few words of kindness or understanding while waiting in line somewhere. They might make us laugh or teach us something new ---depending on how long the line is we might find out how many kids they have or where they live but we often part ways without exchanging names. Most of the time we don't really need or want a lot of information about people who only drop in and out of our lives and yet sometimes we realize we feel like we're missing something--or that we have come close to having something...
And then...there are all of the people who impact our lives and we never meet them face to face. Think of all the writers, artists, musicians, athletes who touch us in some way--who affect our reality---so--change it really...people who don't know of our existence. Some people who affect our lives do so by bringing fictional characters to life for an hour each week or for the time it takes a movie to play...My favorite aunt and uncle took care of my aunt's mother in her final years and she loved the show Bonanza. Ben, Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe were like family to her. My dad near the end of his life would have a hard time distinguishing between television and reality. The two would sort of blurr together (which I'm sure was a bit scary since his favorite shows were crime shows). I remember when I was young (no I am not going to confess to still doing this...) I would write myself into my favorite shows. I am sure there are lots of people who are 'on' American Idol if only while performing in front of their bathroom mirrors...All of this tells me that we need to be very careful who we associate with---this of course applies to real live people and characters who are real to us.
This all brings me back to my friend Denise Austin. She has had the difficult task of being my personal trainer for almost 30 years now. She and I are about the same age and together we have battled post-baby bulge (she has fared much better than I have) in the past and she is currently helping me wage war against all of the middle age that has settled around my middle. Denise always keeps up with the latest in Lycra/spandex fashion and her hair and make up have changed appropriately with the times. Frequently she gets a little mixed up in her directions (hey. I am doing well if I can exercise and think deep thoughts let alone do that and smile continuously and chat without ever getting out of breath) and sometimes her delivery borders on cheesy (she has unknowingly provided entertainment in the past for my kids who burst into fits of giggling watching her) I must confess that there have been several times when I have grumbled when she perkily asks, 'Doesn't that feel good?' and I have learned that she has many 'favorite' workouts and all of them cause pain---But I can't help but smile when she tells me to keep going I'm 'burning butter' and I will push through pain because I really believe I will someday obtain 'a great rear view' or 'rock hard abs'. Denise's energetic approach is contagious and she really knows her stuff. Our friendship has lasted through VHS and DVD and we have gone from fat-burning aerobics to body toning 'hit the spot' workouts to indoor walking to whole body workouts to yoga. So many shared experiences...I was thinking it might be nice to have her over for lunch---she would probably make me eat something healthy--maybe we will just continue to be exercising 'friends'.
Our minds and our bodies are indeed precious gifts... more precious than we usually take time to contemplate...
Does letting my mind wander while I exercise count as an out of body experience?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Twinges Tugs and Yanks
Each time my college age daughter comes home for a visit I find that I have a bit of a hard time telling her goodbye. I feel little wistful twinges in my heart when she leaves. She has been 'out of the house' now for almost 2 years so the little twinges are not unfamiliar.
When a baby moves out of its mother and into the world the cutting of the umbilical cord physically separates mother and baby but never are the two spiritually or emotionally separated. Around that same moment of physical separation an unseen cord takes over and whereas the purpose of the umbilical cord is to pass nourishment from mother to child, this unseen cord or bond carries nourishment between the souls of mother and child. Through this bond the child is fed protection, encouragement, experience, and love through the efforts of the mother and the mother is fed wonder, joy, fulfillment and hope through the successes small and large of the child. The absence of either mother or child leaves a lingering hunger and yearning...
Twinges and also tugs and even yanks are not unknown to mothers or to mothers' hearts. A mother's heart experiences an excited twinge of anticipation when she first learns she is to be a mother--followed by a tug of awe at the incredible sensation of the very first tiny flutterings of life stirring within her. Her heart is then all but yanked with joy when her baby is first placed in her arms. From that moment on a mother and her heart are pulled in so many directions...her skirts and pant legs are tugged on, she is pulled toward something exciting to see or in the direction of something desired and at some point even yanked quickly in an opposite direction to avoid running into the latest object of her child's affection.
A mother is well acquainted with having her heart strings tugged---out of curiosity I did a little research on the origins of that phrase. It seems that long ago those in the medical profession believed that the heart was held in place by nerves and tendons---heart strings---so tugging on heart strings jostles the heart or affects our deepest emotions. Personally, I picture heart strings attached to the heart so tugging and pulling on them can cause strain, discomfort or even pain. Some gentle tugging of the heart is similar to those little hands tugging on our pant leg to get our much needed attention..it is pleasant---not all tugging on the heart strings is painful but I believe all tugging on heart strings has a softening effect on the heart...
Each one of my children has caused tugging on my heart strings several times...
I remember when my oldest daughter was a toddler if she saw me crying she would run and get me a tissue. She was concerned about me and was offering help in the best way she knew--that pleased my heart with gentle twinges of gratitude for her young and tender caring. This daughter is now married and is a tender-hearted mother with two little ones tugging at her heart and of course that tugs wistfully at mine just watching her life unfold...
I remember watching my son when he was just a little boy try to stay up on roller skates. He would fall again and again but he kept getting back up and my heart was tugged with admiration for his persistence and then when he was older we were at the same skating rink and he was determined to join in the event of jumping off a ramp in his roller blades. I remember holding my breath and saying several quick prayers as he skated forward picking up the necessary speed before the jump. I wanted so much for him to succeed. He jumped and landed respectably on his feet and my heart was tugged hard with relief and pride in his success.
I remember standing by helplessly as my second daughter had her heart broken by a somewhat oblivious young man who hadn't realized the many costs to my daughter of allowing her to entrust him with her heart. (handing him the strings so to speak) and my heart was tugged to the point of anguish by her disappointment and sorrow. But just the other day she happily announced that she had flirted with a boy---her heart is starting to rally---and enjoyed it and my heart felt joyful little twinges on her behalf.
During one of life's many periods of adjustment my youngest daughter felt like she didn't have any friends. She felt lonely and undesirable. My heart was tugged until it ached for her loneliness...then the sun came out and there was a time when she had two dates in one weekend and my heart felt youthful twinges of her joy.
Sometimes as a mother I feel as if my heart has been pulled and twinged and tugged out of shape and even out of place. Sometimes I feel like my heart has been yanked so hard that it has suffered irreparable damage. At the same time we are fed and nourished by our children's triumphs and joys we are pained by their stumblings and sorrows. Our hearts are continually being worked over---pulled like taffy into hopefully something soft and yielding and sweet and pliable.
You know when you drop something between the washer and dryer or between cabinets or something falls behind your dresser and you reach as far as you can---straining to grasp what was lost---reaching until it's painful and you feel like you just can't stretch any farther? That is what it feels like when our children move away from us---whether it is walking by themselves for the first time without holding our hand, driving down the road without us in the car, finding someone besides us to love and to need, turning away from us because they want to do things their way, or going off to college---it tugs and yanks and tears at the very core of our being just trying to grasp what once was ours to protect and guide and what will always be connected...
I would like my daughter to understand that when she comes home from college the heart strings are relaxed and that just starts feeling really nice when once again it is time for her to go and I feel the beginning of a tug...
When a baby moves out of its mother and into the world the cutting of the umbilical cord physically separates mother and baby but never are the two spiritually or emotionally separated. Around that same moment of physical separation an unseen cord takes over and whereas the purpose of the umbilical cord is to pass nourishment from mother to child, this unseen cord or bond carries nourishment between the souls of mother and child. Through this bond the child is fed protection, encouragement, experience, and love through the efforts of the mother and the mother is fed wonder, joy, fulfillment and hope through the successes small and large of the child. The absence of either mother or child leaves a lingering hunger and yearning...
Twinges and also tugs and even yanks are not unknown to mothers or to mothers' hearts. A mother's heart experiences an excited twinge of anticipation when she first learns she is to be a mother--followed by a tug of awe at the incredible sensation of the very first tiny flutterings of life stirring within her. Her heart is then all but yanked with joy when her baby is first placed in her arms. From that moment on a mother and her heart are pulled in so many directions...her skirts and pant legs are tugged on, she is pulled toward something exciting to see or in the direction of something desired and at some point even yanked quickly in an opposite direction to avoid running into the latest object of her child's affection.
A mother is well acquainted with having her heart strings tugged---out of curiosity I did a little research on the origins of that phrase. It seems that long ago those in the medical profession believed that the heart was held in place by nerves and tendons---heart strings---so tugging on heart strings jostles the heart or affects our deepest emotions. Personally, I picture heart strings attached to the heart so tugging and pulling on them can cause strain, discomfort or even pain. Some gentle tugging of the heart is similar to those little hands tugging on our pant leg to get our much needed attention..it is pleasant---not all tugging on the heart strings is painful but I believe all tugging on heart strings has a softening effect on the heart...
Each one of my children has caused tugging on my heart strings several times...
I remember when my oldest daughter was a toddler if she saw me crying she would run and get me a tissue. She was concerned about me and was offering help in the best way she knew--that pleased my heart with gentle twinges of gratitude for her young and tender caring. This daughter is now married and is a tender-hearted mother with two little ones tugging at her heart and of course that tugs wistfully at mine just watching her life unfold...
I remember watching my son when he was just a little boy try to stay up on roller skates. He would fall again and again but he kept getting back up and my heart was tugged with admiration for his persistence and then when he was older we were at the same skating rink and he was determined to join in the event of jumping off a ramp in his roller blades. I remember holding my breath and saying several quick prayers as he skated forward picking up the necessary speed before the jump. I wanted so much for him to succeed. He jumped and landed respectably on his feet and my heart was tugged hard with relief and pride in his success.
I remember standing by helplessly as my second daughter had her heart broken by a somewhat oblivious young man who hadn't realized the many costs to my daughter of allowing her to entrust him with her heart. (handing him the strings so to speak) and my heart was tugged to the point of anguish by her disappointment and sorrow. But just the other day she happily announced that she had flirted with a boy---her heart is starting to rally---and enjoyed it and my heart felt joyful little twinges on her behalf.
During one of life's many periods of adjustment my youngest daughter felt like she didn't have any friends. She felt lonely and undesirable. My heart was tugged until it ached for her loneliness...then the sun came out and there was a time when she had two dates in one weekend and my heart felt youthful twinges of her joy.
Sometimes as a mother I feel as if my heart has been pulled and twinged and tugged out of shape and even out of place. Sometimes I feel like my heart has been yanked so hard that it has suffered irreparable damage. At the same time we are fed and nourished by our children's triumphs and joys we are pained by their stumblings and sorrows. Our hearts are continually being worked over---pulled like taffy into hopefully something soft and yielding and sweet and pliable.
You know when you drop something between the washer and dryer or between cabinets or something falls behind your dresser and you reach as far as you can---straining to grasp what was lost---reaching until it's painful and you feel like you just can't stretch any farther? That is what it feels like when our children move away from us---whether it is walking by themselves for the first time without holding our hand, driving down the road without us in the car, finding someone besides us to love and to need, turning away from us because they want to do things their way, or going off to college---it tugs and yanks and tears at the very core of our being just trying to grasp what once was ours to protect and guide and what will always be connected...
I would like my daughter to understand that when she comes home from college the heart strings are relaxed and that just starts feeling really nice when once again it is time for her to go and I feel the beginning of a tug...
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Snowmen And Other Whimsey
The day of our last snowstorm I looked outside at our snow-covered patio furniture and fancied snowmen and snow women (How come snow women is two words according to my spell check but snowmen is one word?) sitting at the table chatting. I don't know that I have ever seen a snowman sitting down---probably because they could be a bit of a challenge to build that way. Besides snowman have pretty short lives so why waste time sitting down...but if they ever did decide to take a rest I would love to have them do it at my patio table! I even felt a tickling urge to bundle up and go sit at the table myself just for fun but I really try to limit my family's (and my neighbor's) concerns about my state of mind...It is probably good that I don't give into all of my unusual urges but this was one I should have indulged. It could have been great fun to go out and sit on the deck on a snowy chair and drink a cup of hot cocoa.
Anyway...accompanying my musings about the socializing of snowmen were memories of myself sitting at my patio table only months before trying to find refuge from the hot summer sun under the disappointingly warm shade of the table umbrella. I guess that is something I have in common with snow people---we both seek shade from the heat of the sun to prevent us from melting into a puddle.
Speaking of melting...when we build a snowman in the yard it ends up melting into the grass and flower beds so there is a little essence of snow in the fresh green grass and delicate pastel flowers of spring. If I entertained snowmen on my deck they would eventually melt down into the spaces in the deck and soak into the dirt underneath. So this summer when I subject my bare feet (and I always do) to the broiling heat of my deck I will think of the cooling possibilities of remnants of snowmen having passed through the soil below. The continuous cycle of life---life begetting more life--- and even death and decay begetting life---layers of life---always a fascinating miracle to ponder.
Well the 'day of love' has passed. (I am so glad we are not limited to one day a year to show our affection but it is kind of fun to have that be a special focus as long as our undying devotion doesn't get crowded out by chocolate and flowers and jewelry and perfume and all of the other wrappings and trappings of the holiday) My sweetheart treated me very special and I tried to make him feel special too. Years ago I had a humbling revelation that despite modern marketing viewpoints, Valentine's Day is for men too! Like everything else Valentine's Day has changed over the course of my lifetime. I miss brainstorming ideas for valentine boxes for school with my kids. I miss the excitement of leaving valentines on doorsteps as a kid and running away as fast as I could before someone could answer their door. This year I missed good old-fashioned conversation hearts. I must admit I have always been fond of their overly sweet chalky goodness but now they have been relegated to nostalgic fare at best. I picked up a bag of conversation hearts on my Saturday trip to the grocery store because I had been craving them and was looking forward to nibbling on them for a couple of days but when I got them home I was disappointed to find that they were tutti fruity conversation hearts! Where were my perfumey tasting purples, my anise flavored whites, my wintergreenesque flavored pinks, my wonderfully fake banana flavored yellows? I still ate several of the tutti fruity ones because---well they contained sugar and were still a bit chalky but they did not in any way satisfy my craving. I have found it a bit sad for quite some time that the conversation on the conversation hearts isn't quite what it used to be but now they have messed with the flavor and texture. You can find sour glittering hearts, Disney hearts, gummy hearts, and of course a myriad of chocolate hearts but I did not see any of the good old original conversation hearts in small or large size. Perhaps I waited to long to get them or maybe they have disappeared because no one else liked them but me. I finally threw away the rest of the fruity ones and bought myself a roll of Necco wafers to somewhat satisfy my craving. The flavors were good but I missed the thick pleasant chalkiness---kind of like what I think it would be like to chew on soft sandstone pebbles---maybe I have a deficiency of some sort...
We have a dinosaur sitting on our kitchen windowsill. It was a Christmas gift from my youngest daughter to her dad. It was inside of a volcano which was inside of a plastic container. The volcano erupted after adding vinegar and revealed a dinosaur inside that grew when you filled the container with water. It looked big and inflated for a time --kind of like me after eating all those holiday goodies-- and then we poured out the water and it has gradually shrunken down to it's original small size. I want to do that! Eventually I guess I will have to dispose of it but it kind of feels like it belongs there now and it has got me to thinking(I know it doesn't take much and it could be a dangerous thing)...you know how we tend to have to go to the bathroom a lot as we get older and we don't drink as much either---because then we have to go again---well maybe that's why we shrivel and shrink with age---we are losing too much water! Also, older people don't soak in the tub as much because of safety issues so see---there is more cause for shriveling. Maybe we should immerse ourselves in water for a few minutes each day and it would keep us looking youthful. Babies are immersed in water for nine months and they come out all shriveled but maybe it would have the opposite effect on an old person...
My brain is starting to feel mushy-slushy and I better quit before anyone reading this drowns in a puddle of nonsense.
Who would you like to see sitting in your patio chairs?
Anyway...accompanying my musings about the socializing of snowmen were memories of myself sitting at my patio table only months before trying to find refuge from the hot summer sun under the disappointingly warm shade of the table umbrella. I guess that is something I have in common with snow people---we both seek shade from the heat of the sun to prevent us from melting into a puddle.
Speaking of melting...when we build a snowman in the yard it ends up melting into the grass and flower beds so there is a little essence of snow in the fresh green grass and delicate pastel flowers of spring. If I entertained snowmen on my deck they would eventually melt down into the spaces in the deck and soak into the dirt underneath. So this summer when I subject my bare feet (and I always do) to the broiling heat of my deck I will think of the cooling possibilities of remnants of snowmen having passed through the soil below. The continuous cycle of life---life begetting more life--- and even death and decay begetting life---layers of life---always a fascinating miracle to ponder.
Well the 'day of love' has passed. (I am so glad we are not limited to one day a year to show our affection but it is kind of fun to have that be a special focus as long as our undying devotion doesn't get crowded out by chocolate and flowers and jewelry and perfume and all of the other wrappings and trappings of the holiday) My sweetheart treated me very special and I tried to make him feel special too. Years ago I had a humbling revelation that despite modern marketing viewpoints, Valentine's Day is for men too! Like everything else Valentine's Day has changed over the course of my lifetime. I miss brainstorming ideas for valentine boxes for school with my kids. I miss the excitement of leaving valentines on doorsteps as a kid and running away as fast as I could before someone could answer their door. This year I missed good old-fashioned conversation hearts. I must admit I have always been fond of their overly sweet chalky goodness but now they have been relegated to nostalgic fare at best. I picked up a bag of conversation hearts on my Saturday trip to the grocery store because I had been craving them and was looking forward to nibbling on them for a couple of days but when I got them home I was disappointed to find that they were tutti fruity conversation hearts! Where were my perfumey tasting purples, my anise flavored whites, my wintergreenesque flavored pinks, my wonderfully fake banana flavored yellows? I still ate several of the tutti fruity ones because---well they contained sugar and were still a bit chalky but they did not in any way satisfy my craving. I have found it a bit sad for quite some time that the conversation on the conversation hearts isn't quite what it used to be but now they have messed with the flavor and texture. You can find sour glittering hearts, Disney hearts, gummy hearts, and of course a myriad of chocolate hearts but I did not see any of the good old original conversation hearts in small or large size. Perhaps I waited to long to get them or maybe they have disappeared because no one else liked them but me. I finally threw away the rest of the fruity ones and bought myself a roll of Necco wafers to somewhat satisfy my craving. The flavors were good but I missed the thick pleasant chalkiness---kind of like what I think it would be like to chew on soft sandstone pebbles---maybe I have a deficiency of some sort...
We have a dinosaur sitting on our kitchen windowsill. It was a Christmas gift from my youngest daughter to her dad. It was inside of a volcano which was inside of a plastic container. The volcano erupted after adding vinegar and revealed a dinosaur inside that grew when you filled the container with water. It looked big and inflated for a time --kind of like me after eating all those holiday goodies-- and then we poured out the water and it has gradually shrunken down to it's original small size. I want to do that! Eventually I guess I will have to dispose of it but it kind of feels like it belongs there now and it has got me to thinking(I know it doesn't take much and it could be a dangerous thing)...you know how we tend to have to go to the bathroom a lot as we get older and we don't drink as much either---because then we have to go again---well maybe that's why we shrivel and shrink with age---we are losing too much water! Also, older people don't soak in the tub as much because of safety issues so see---there is more cause for shriveling. Maybe we should immerse ourselves in water for a few minutes each day and it would keep us looking youthful. Babies are immersed in water for nine months and they come out all shriveled but maybe it would have the opposite effect on an old person...
My brain is starting to feel mushy-slushy and I better quit before anyone reading this drowns in a puddle of nonsense.
Who would you like to see sitting in your patio chairs?
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
I mentioned at the end of my last post that I would say more about airport security screening. Well here it is...
Over the Christmas holidays our family got interested in a television series (via netflix---netflix is kind of like a metal detector--sometimes it will uncover treasures but only after uncovering a substantial amount of worthless refuse) called Lie to Me. It is about a group of psychologists whose specialty is reading micr0 facial expressions and body language which they apply to solving various cases--mostly of a criminal nature. The whole 'reading' thing is fascinating but unfortunately after the first season the show seemed to follow a familiar path for modern television dramas---once the producers hook people with an intriguing premise and interesting characters they start throwing in more sex and violence as if competing to see just how depraved they can make the criminal cases and just how non-private they can make the private lives of the regular characters. (I have fallen for several appealing lures only to find, like a hooked fish, that they are not only non-nourishing but not palatable---they get stuck in my throat and I wiggle around until I hopefully escape before being completely reeled in) Anyway......in the show there is a woman who is a natural at reading facial expressions and body language who is actually working for the Transportation Security Agency when she is spotted and hired by the two main psychologists. This finally leads me to my proposal for more efficient less intrusive airport security screening----
First have large screens that would show each passenger and then have teams of these trained psychologists (preferably all natural born talents in reading micro facial expressions and body language) study the screens. Anyone not passing their 'screen test' would have to step aside into a booth where a psychologist would do a face to face analysis to detect any potential threats. Anyone working as a member of these a-teams of impressive psychologists would have the extra incentive of possibly starting their own company or even being offered their own TV series.
After being carefully scrutinized by hypersensitive psychologists passengers would then need to pass through a line of well seasoned mothers. We all know from experience how good mothers are at knowing when some thing's up and especially how hard it is to hide anything from them. Considering all the blame mothers as a group have received from the profession of psychology it would be a bit of poetic justice to have the psychologists' work double-checked by a group of mothers...
If people weren't posing a threat but just hiding hurt feelings or insecurities then they could receive several motherly hugs and even some quick motherly advice making for much happier passengers. (Of course the mothers would have to be specially trained in non-meddling or it could take a while to get through the lines)
If the passengers make it past the psychologists and the mothers then they will just need to pass through some trained bomb sniffing dogs (I endure this everyday upon arriving home only it isn't bombs my dogs are sniffing) and then they will be allowed to fly the hopefully friendlier skies.
I think these innovative methods of airport security screening could work and all without taking off your shoes, being too thoroughly frisked or being violated by x-ray vision body scanners (which are of no medical benefit and will probably soon be found to cause cancer).
Seriously I think we should be thankful that we live in a country where someone is concerned for our safety and tries to take precautions to protect us but I do question the effectiveness of current methods. We all learn early in life that sometimes we get extra homework because someone else was misbehaving so we should be willing to trade some convenience for security but when it comes to airport security these days the line between protecting freedoms and violating them seems to be a fine line.
Today the sun is shining and making the snow sparkle. I feel like I could be in a snow globe surrounded by a crystal clear sky---as long as no one shakes it and gets the snow falling---- of course if I still pretended to be in a snow globe then the snow would be fun---that is the point of snow globes...
How is your view of the globe?
Take good care!
Over the Christmas holidays our family got interested in a television series (via netflix---netflix is kind of like a metal detector--sometimes it will uncover treasures but only after uncovering a substantial amount of worthless refuse) called Lie to Me. It is about a group of psychologists whose specialty is reading micr0 facial expressions and body language which they apply to solving various cases--mostly of a criminal nature. The whole 'reading' thing is fascinating but unfortunately after the first season the show seemed to follow a familiar path for modern television dramas---once the producers hook people with an intriguing premise and interesting characters they start throwing in more sex and violence as if competing to see just how depraved they can make the criminal cases and just how non-private they can make the private lives of the regular characters. (I have fallen for several appealing lures only to find, like a hooked fish, that they are not only non-nourishing but not palatable---they get stuck in my throat and I wiggle around until I hopefully escape before being completely reeled in) Anyway......in the show there is a woman who is a natural at reading facial expressions and body language who is actually working for the Transportation Security Agency when she is spotted and hired by the two main psychologists. This finally leads me to my proposal for more efficient less intrusive airport security screening----
First have large screens that would show each passenger and then have teams of these trained psychologists (preferably all natural born talents in reading micro facial expressions and body language) study the screens. Anyone not passing their 'screen test' would have to step aside into a booth where a psychologist would do a face to face analysis to detect any potential threats. Anyone working as a member of these a-teams of impressive psychologists would have the extra incentive of possibly starting their own company or even being offered their own TV series.
After being carefully scrutinized by hypersensitive psychologists passengers would then need to pass through a line of well seasoned mothers. We all know from experience how good mothers are at knowing when some thing's up and especially how hard it is to hide anything from them. Considering all the blame mothers as a group have received from the profession of psychology it would be a bit of poetic justice to have the psychologists' work double-checked by a group of mothers...
If people weren't posing a threat but just hiding hurt feelings or insecurities then they could receive several motherly hugs and even some quick motherly advice making for much happier passengers. (Of course the mothers would have to be specially trained in non-meddling or it could take a while to get through the lines)
If the passengers make it past the psychologists and the mothers then they will just need to pass through some trained bomb sniffing dogs (I endure this everyday upon arriving home only it isn't bombs my dogs are sniffing) and then they will be allowed to fly the hopefully friendlier skies.
I think these innovative methods of airport security screening could work and all without taking off your shoes, being too thoroughly frisked or being violated by x-ray vision body scanners (which are of no medical benefit and will probably soon be found to cause cancer).
Seriously I think we should be thankful that we live in a country where someone is concerned for our safety and tries to take precautions to protect us but I do question the effectiveness of current methods. We all learn early in life that sometimes we get extra homework because someone else was misbehaving so we should be willing to trade some convenience for security but when it comes to airport security these days the line between protecting freedoms and violating them seems to be a fine line.
Today the sun is shining and making the snow sparkle. I feel like I could be in a snow globe surrounded by a crystal clear sky---as long as no one shakes it and gets the snow falling---- of course if I still pretended to be in a snow globe then the snow would be fun---that is the point of snow globes...
How is your view of the globe?
Take good care!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A good friend of mine who is very observant and apparently much better at math than I am pointed out that it hasn't been 10 months since my last post, only 6. I don't know how to explain my miscalculation---perhaps I was thinking of April instead of August or maybe it is because I seem to sometimes go on mini-vacations to another dimension...
That got me thinking about the twilight zone---not the television show--which was interesting but creepy--not the peppy song of that name by The Manhattan Transfer--although I like that song and I can relate to it--but I am speaking of the twilight zone that describes well...another dimension of time and space where things are a little skewed.
That got me to thinking about twilight---not the book about sparkling 90-year-old vampires with teenage angst---but the adjective used to describe a period of gradual decline. I have heard of someone being referred to as being in the twilight of their lives...this is to mean they are declining in years---their time is waning like the sunlight at the end of day.
That got me to thinking about where I am in my life. Perhaps I am in the afternoon of my life---my kids would probably say late afternoon judging by their sometimes harsh reminders of my age . Afternoon...just after lunch--a good time to take a walk and ponder the events of a morning that seems to be both minutes away and almost part of another day. Afternoon...a time to feel a pressing need to get things done while daylight is burning--to revel in the long stretching out of the day. Afternoon...a time to think about the coming evening which could hold excitement bathed in moonlight and stars or long hours of quietly apprehensive darkness or probably both. Afternoon...a good time for a light snack and a quick nap...
Did you know that twilight zone also refers to the lowest level of the ocean to which light can penetrate? (I admit to referring frequently to the dictionary---it is a wonderful place that I have enjoyed visiting ever since I learned to read) Perhaps it is wise to not go deeper than light can penetrate--either in exploring the depths of the ocean or the depths of thought...Hmmm...
Here is a totally unrelated thought (I know you are not surprised in the least--or in the most)
The TSA is testing a more polite body scanning software for airports. Could the body scanners double as medical scanners then at least if we have to have our privacy invaded to protect us we could find out if we have any health concerns...
More thoughts to come on suggestions for airport security...
Have a wonderful day whatever part of the day you claim!
That got me thinking about the twilight zone---not the television show--which was interesting but creepy--not the peppy song of that name by The Manhattan Transfer--although I like that song and I can relate to it--but I am speaking of the twilight zone that describes well...another dimension of time and space where things are a little skewed.
That got me to thinking about twilight---not the book about sparkling 90-year-old vampires with teenage angst---but the adjective used to describe a period of gradual decline. I have heard of someone being referred to as being in the twilight of their lives...this is to mean they are declining in years---their time is waning like the sunlight at the end of day.
That got me to thinking about where I am in my life. Perhaps I am in the afternoon of my life---my kids would probably say late afternoon judging by their sometimes harsh reminders of my age . Afternoon...just after lunch--a good time to take a walk and ponder the events of a morning that seems to be both minutes away and almost part of another day. Afternoon...a time to feel a pressing need to get things done while daylight is burning--to revel in the long stretching out of the day. Afternoon...a time to think about the coming evening which could hold excitement bathed in moonlight and stars or long hours of quietly apprehensive darkness or probably both. Afternoon...a good time for a light snack and a quick nap...
Did you know that twilight zone also refers to the lowest level of the ocean to which light can penetrate? (I admit to referring frequently to the dictionary---it is a wonderful place that I have enjoyed visiting ever since I learned to read) Perhaps it is wise to not go deeper than light can penetrate--either in exploring the depths of the ocean or the depths of thought...Hmmm...
Here is a totally unrelated thought (I know you are not surprised in the least--or in the most)
The TSA is testing a more polite body scanning software for airports. Could the body scanners double as medical scanners then at least if we have to have our privacy invaded to protect us we could find out if we have any health concerns...
More thoughts to come on suggestions for airport security...
Have a wonderful day whatever part of the day you claim!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Surfaces
Well it has been almost ten months since I last posted my blog. Ten months----that is about 304 days. I will not try to begin to explain the long absence only that I have thought about coming back for quite some time. It is amazing how sometimes when we try to get back to something it is like those dreams when we are trying to make it somewhere but we keep getting lost somewhere else...
A (somewhat ) quick summary of impressions of life since August...
We got to see the Grand Canyon and it was indeed grand. As I sat on a bench at a view area just shy of the north rim visitor's center I kept wondering what it must have been like to come upon such a sight, when the canyon was as yet undiscovered by the masses, without any warning---to be riding along a flat mesa and then suddenly see the ground fall away to reveal something so beautiful and so scary. I admit to feeling very unsettled ( a gentle word to describe gut- churning fear) when close to drop-offs...just ask my kids how many times I told them to not get too close to the edge. (Ten yards is approaching too close)
The Grand Canyon got me thinking about how hard it is to absorb really breathtaking sights. I think the problem lies in the fact that by merely looking at something we just scratch the surface. To really appreciate the Grand Canyon I would need to stay there and learn more about its history and explore it more thoroughly. I would need to touch more of its surfaces and look at it from the bottom of the canyon and wind my way through it on the river.
I think when we try to take in the beauty of something or someone we touch on an awareness of how short our time is here compared to how long is our existence and you combine that with a spirit-deep desire to do more than scratch the surface and you get part of the source of human frustration..we seem to spend so much time in this mortal moment realizing we have only begun to scratch the surface of living and understanding...
---The Grand Canyon wasn't as grand as being reunited with our daughter after she had been working out of state for the summer. It was the longest time she had been far from the nest and she got a taste of flying on her own. I think she found it both exhilarating and scary. It all added up to growing.
---I got to see the area close to where my piece of inherited property is---yes I am a landowner. The property could be developed maybe in another fifty to a hundred years or so --but right now I am the proud owner of a piece of desert sprinkled with a few Joshua trees. My parcel of land sits within a 'development' that never really developed. There were lots of dirt roads with names on signs---kind of like some one had zoned a mirage--either some one's dream or perhaps some one's hungry dream of getting rich that fed on the dreams of many people. But it is mine and perhaps it will be the location of a dream home for some of my posterity---it could happen.
---Speaking of dreams---we got to travel a section of route 66 getting our kicks listening to Simon and Garfunkel's greatest hits and even singing along as we drove down a sadly lack-luster memory lane even more memorable to our parents' generation. Our youngest daughter was pretty much disgusted by the music and just didn't understand the big deal about a long highway littered with tacky tourist traps. How many young hopers and dreamers had gone down that road? So much windblown hair and so many tunes on the radio...tire track upon tire track embedded in the asphalt...
---Summer turned to fall. I do find joy and beauty in every season but I am partial to fall. I love the cool crisp feel of the air with its earthy smell and the deep gold of the sunshine. I love the first time I put on a sweater and relish its warmth. We didn't have to buy pumpkins for Halloween. We used the three small ones that we grew. I froze some beets, used up the carrots, and froze several bags of tomatoes (which I just used last week to make some spaghetti sauce) We had a very small harvest and I am sure many grand gardeners would have smiled if not laughed at the satisfaction I felt over such feeble results. It did feel good to clear the ground and turn the soil--preparing for new growth.
---Our youngest daughter decided to have a party at the park for her birthday. She had a good time and her dad and I had a good time rubbing shoulders with youth at its fresh-faced exuberant best as we chaperoned. Her big sister helped out and hung out quite content and confident in her role of 'the big sister who goes to college'. Our youngest daughter likes to do things a bit differently than the norm so she had smores instead of cake and ice-cream and she even had a random uninvited guest show up in the form of a young pre-teen boy who had been at the park for football practice and apparently had not been ready to go home. He sat and watched while I put out food and put up decorations and looked like he had no intention of leaving. I was going to shoo him away but decided to chat with him. I was thankful that my sweet husband chatted with him even more and he accepted a can of pop and some snacks and even joined in with some of the games for a while before hopping on his bike and telling us goodbye. Our daughter thought it was great to have such an interesting addition to her festivities and I found myself feeling grateful that we had crossed paths with this friendly stranger for a short time on a Saturday evening in the park.
---I had the intimidating opportunity of filling out a job resume---my first in over a quarter of a century--and I felt like I was back in college trying to stretch out an answer to an essay question---trying to make it sound good. I didn't get the job but it was good practice. I have actually decided to serve a six-month service mission for my church--it will ease me back into a working environment.
---Christmas brought welcome traditions and a softened heart. I tried to not lose the gift of the Christmas spirit in all of the worldly wrappings. I tried to remember that mortal gifts are just tokens of thoughts and feelings---and that I don't have to give everyone the fondest desire of their heart on one occasion---you see every year I am prone to anxiety at Christmas---making lists, shopping, baking---wanting the perfect holiday---I run myself ragged over the wrappings and trappings and I end up almost too tired to enjoy and cherish the gift that is Christmas--the celebration of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ---Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting father, The Prince of Peace--born in very humble circumstances with lowly beasts, shepherds, wisemen, and angels attending...that kind of says it all of how we should celebrate---in humble gratitude and joyfulness of heart---loving and cherishing and marvelling and singing. I have managed to control my anxiety a bit more each year. I love spending time with family---warming myself in the glow of the home fires that burn so brightly at Christmas.
---My husband and I got to ring in the new year this year dancing the night away...I ignored my hurting hip-- it is so sad that a hurting hip is now part of my tale of dancing---come on I didn't do that much dancing--and the fact that I am not a real good dancer--and just had fun. Dancing is definitely one of the best ways to refresh romance in a marriage and make you feel young and full of possibilities again. There was a couple at the dance celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary---still married and still dancing after more years than I have been alive---incredible.
---January is not one of my favorite months. The best things I can say about it are that it is the month our son was born, it is a month that is a view area where we can look ahead at the coming year with hope and it is a month I read a lot of books...You see after Christmas I kind of hibernate. I eat a lot of sugar---Christmas treats made me fall off of the wagon I was precariously sitting on---watch too much television (netflix is our friend)---bemoan the fact I am getting so fat(in this way it would be nice to be a bear because they purposely eat a lot and pack on the fat --of course then they don't eat all winter--maybe I could pack on the fat over Halloween and Thanksgiving and then not eat for December---or not--it wouldn't be healthy and I would miss out on egg nog and fudge)---contemplate exercising and take a lot of naps. At least January got off to a good start because we had our granddaughter over to spend the night for a late-birthday celebration. She is extremely precocious and has a wonderful imagination. I love playing with her---tea parties, hide and seek, fairies---we go on such nice adventures that tie my heart even more strongly to hers and make her special place in my heart grow wider and deeper. I look forward to more one on one time with her brother. It was so fun at her cake and ice-cream party to watch her and her little brother-- my adorable huggable grandson run around with wild abandon relishing the attention of family---truly living in the moment as only children can do so successfully and joyously.
---January is a month I want to escape--run away--hence so many books read. Proof of this came yesterday when I found myself sniffing a can of just opened tuna fish and thinking of a vacation by the ocean...kind of pathetic but a cheap vacation.
Canyons, highways, parcels of desert, harvests, celebrations, new paths---I have only scratched the surface but I have found treasures beneath...
Now I need to go face my next adventure---training for my service mission.
Take care
A (somewhat ) quick summary of impressions of life since August...
We got to see the Grand Canyon and it was indeed grand. As I sat on a bench at a view area just shy of the north rim visitor's center I kept wondering what it must have been like to come upon such a sight, when the canyon was as yet undiscovered by the masses, without any warning---to be riding along a flat mesa and then suddenly see the ground fall away to reveal something so beautiful and so scary. I admit to feeling very unsettled ( a gentle word to describe gut- churning fear) when close to drop-offs...just ask my kids how many times I told them to not get too close to the edge. (Ten yards is approaching too close)
The Grand Canyon got me thinking about how hard it is to absorb really breathtaking sights. I think the problem lies in the fact that by merely looking at something we just scratch the surface. To really appreciate the Grand Canyon I would need to stay there and learn more about its history and explore it more thoroughly. I would need to touch more of its surfaces and look at it from the bottom of the canyon and wind my way through it on the river.
I think when we try to take in the beauty of something or someone we touch on an awareness of how short our time is here compared to how long is our existence and you combine that with a spirit-deep desire to do more than scratch the surface and you get part of the source of human frustration..we seem to spend so much time in this mortal moment realizing we have only begun to scratch the surface of living and understanding...
---The Grand Canyon wasn't as grand as being reunited with our daughter after she had been working out of state for the summer. It was the longest time she had been far from the nest and she got a taste of flying on her own. I think she found it both exhilarating and scary. It all added up to growing.
---I got to see the area close to where my piece of inherited property is---yes I am a landowner. The property could be developed maybe in another fifty to a hundred years or so --but right now I am the proud owner of a piece of desert sprinkled with a few Joshua trees. My parcel of land sits within a 'development' that never really developed. There were lots of dirt roads with names on signs---kind of like some one had zoned a mirage--either some one's dream or perhaps some one's hungry dream of getting rich that fed on the dreams of many people. But it is mine and perhaps it will be the location of a dream home for some of my posterity---it could happen.
---Speaking of dreams---we got to travel a section of route 66 getting our kicks listening to Simon and Garfunkel's greatest hits and even singing along as we drove down a sadly lack-luster memory lane even more memorable to our parents' generation. Our youngest daughter was pretty much disgusted by the music and just didn't understand the big deal about a long highway littered with tacky tourist traps. How many young hopers and dreamers had gone down that road? So much windblown hair and so many tunes on the radio...tire track upon tire track embedded in the asphalt...
---Summer turned to fall. I do find joy and beauty in every season but I am partial to fall. I love the cool crisp feel of the air with its earthy smell and the deep gold of the sunshine. I love the first time I put on a sweater and relish its warmth. We didn't have to buy pumpkins for Halloween. We used the three small ones that we grew. I froze some beets, used up the carrots, and froze several bags of tomatoes (which I just used last week to make some spaghetti sauce) We had a very small harvest and I am sure many grand gardeners would have smiled if not laughed at the satisfaction I felt over such feeble results. It did feel good to clear the ground and turn the soil--preparing for new growth.
---Our youngest daughter decided to have a party at the park for her birthday. She had a good time and her dad and I had a good time rubbing shoulders with youth at its fresh-faced exuberant best as we chaperoned. Her big sister helped out and hung out quite content and confident in her role of 'the big sister who goes to college'. Our youngest daughter likes to do things a bit differently than the norm so she had smores instead of cake and ice-cream and she even had a random uninvited guest show up in the form of a young pre-teen boy who had been at the park for football practice and apparently had not been ready to go home. He sat and watched while I put out food and put up decorations and looked like he had no intention of leaving. I was going to shoo him away but decided to chat with him. I was thankful that my sweet husband chatted with him even more and he accepted a can of pop and some snacks and even joined in with some of the games for a while before hopping on his bike and telling us goodbye. Our daughter thought it was great to have such an interesting addition to her festivities and I found myself feeling grateful that we had crossed paths with this friendly stranger for a short time on a Saturday evening in the park.
---I had the intimidating opportunity of filling out a job resume---my first in over a quarter of a century--and I felt like I was back in college trying to stretch out an answer to an essay question---trying to make it sound good. I didn't get the job but it was good practice. I have actually decided to serve a six-month service mission for my church--it will ease me back into a working environment.
---Christmas brought welcome traditions and a softened heart. I tried to not lose the gift of the Christmas spirit in all of the worldly wrappings. I tried to remember that mortal gifts are just tokens of thoughts and feelings---and that I don't have to give everyone the fondest desire of their heart on one occasion---you see every year I am prone to anxiety at Christmas---making lists, shopping, baking---wanting the perfect holiday---I run myself ragged over the wrappings and trappings and I end up almost too tired to enjoy and cherish the gift that is Christmas--the celebration of the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ---Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting father, The Prince of Peace--born in very humble circumstances with lowly beasts, shepherds, wisemen, and angels attending...that kind of says it all of how we should celebrate---in humble gratitude and joyfulness of heart---loving and cherishing and marvelling and singing. I have managed to control my anxiety a bit more each year. I love spending time with family---warming myself in the glow of the home fires that burn so brightly at Christmas.
---My husband and I got to ring in the new year this year dancing the night away...I ignored my hurting hip-- it is so sad that a hurting hip is now part of my tale of dancing---come on I didn't do that much dancing--and the fact that I am not a real good dancer--and just had fun. Dancing is definitely one of the best ways to refresh romance in a marriage and make you feel young and full of possibilities again. There was a couple at the dance celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary---still married and still dancing after more years than I have been alive---incredible.
---January is not one of my favorite months. The best things I can say about it are that it is the month our son was born, it is a month that is a view area where we can look ahead at the coming year with hope and it is a month I read a lot of books...You see after Christmas I kind of hibernate. I eat a lot of sugar---Christmas treats made me fall off of the wagon I was precariously sitting on---watch too much television (netflix is our friend)---bemoan the fact I am getting so fat(in this way it would be nice to be a bear because they purposely eat a lot and pack on the fat --of course then they don't eat all winter--maybe I could pack on the fat over Halloween and Thanksgiving and then not eat for December---or not--it wouldn't be healthy and I would miss out on egg nog and fudge)---contemplate exercising and take a lot of naps. At least January got off to a good start because we had our granddaughter over to spend the night for a late-birthday celebration. She is extremely precocious and has a wonderful imagination. I love playing with her---tea parties, hide and seek, fairies---we go on such nice adventures that tie my heart even more strongly to hers and make her special place in my heart grow wider and deeper. I look forward to more one on one time with her brother. It was so fun at her cake and ice-cream party to watch her and her little brother-- my adorable huggable grandson run around with wild abandon relishing the attention of family---truly living in the moment as only children can do so successfully and joyously.
---January is a month I want to escape--run away--hence so many books read. Proof of this came yesterday when I found myself sniffing a can of just opened tuna fish and thinking of a vacation by the ocean...kind of pathetic but a cheap vacation.
Canyons, highways, parcels of desert, harvests, celebrations, new paths---I have only scratched the surface but I have found treasures beneath...
Now I need to go face my next adventure---training for my service mission.
Take care
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