Why were pantyhose invented by a man and why do they share a name with something used to water your garden or put out fires? Who decided to call the largest size Queen Size and who decided that taupe and beige mist were good leg colors?
Just curious.
When I was about 13 I underwent a rite of passage---an initiation into womanhood---I got to wear nylon stockings to church---Not pantyhose but the kind of hose you attach to a funny looking contraption called a garter belt. This was in the early 70s so I don't know why my mother started me out with a garter belt---that's probably how she entered the world of womanly attire---I don't even know if my mother had made the leap to pantyhose at that time. Anyway...I was positively thrilled to graduate from knee socks. I felt so utterly grown up, so womanly---a bit like I had webbed feet and a second skin that fit quite snug but womanly nonetheless.
My least favorite thing about pantyhose when I was young and skinny was that they would sag around my ankles (anyone remember the elephant legs commercial?) I should have been used to that after years of pulling up sagging knee socks or tugging on anklets (ankle socks for you younger readers) that had been partially eaten into a wad by my shoes. The sagging problem stopped being an issue as pantyhose became new and improved and as I developed more of me to hold them up all the way. Having long legs I have also always had the problem of pantyhose not being long enough. Sometimes the crotch will come halfway down to my knees and I will have to do some ballet moves while pulling up on the waist in order to get the pantyhose to live up to their name. (Stretching them before putting them on is helpful--kind of like stretching a balloon before blowing it up) There should be a diagram of those moves included in each pantyhose package. Low rider pantyhose are not comfortable and do not encourage ladylike walking, or walking at all.
Many women can barely tolerate pantyhose. I have gotten used to them and do not mind them so much. My main problem is that I go through a pair a week sometimes. My feet would make great subjects for before shots for pedicures and I go without shoes frequently while wearing my pantyhose so I get holes and runs in the feet. The previously mentioned ballet moves also contribute their share of runs and snags. If I wrote a book on tips on being womanly (my only qualification for that would be the fact that I am a woman---I could still use some tips myself) it would include how to twist your pantyhose while wearing them so that you can move a run from the outside of your leg to the less-noticeable inside. I wish pantyhose came in large rolls like plastic garbage bags and I could just tear off a new pair each week. How do we go about starting a recycling program for pantyhose? They would be kind of cute with a PETE # on the bottom of the foot. Wouldn't women rush to buy pajamas or t-shirts made out of recycled pantyhose? They could even be sold in cute little pouches...Well maybe not.
I guess it is appropriate somehow that a man invented pantyhose since historically men were the main wearers of tights and leg coverings before they became popular for women. Now when women complain about wearing pantyhose(they are so much better than garter belts ladies) men always have a counter complaint with neckties. I wouldn't want to wear a tie but at least ties can be loosened which is not the case with pantyhose. What if someone invented a type of pantyhose that worked kind of like a blood pressure cuff...on days you're feeling a little puffy you could tighten them and when you want to relax you could loosen them just a bit. Of course they would need to not make the same sound of a blood pressure cuff and they couldn't tighten that much or people would wonder what was up with your popping eyes and bulging veins. It's probably best to keep pantyhose low tech.
The name pantyhose simply means nylon hose with a panty attached. Hosen means leg covering but I can't come up with a sensible way to connect that to garden hose or fire hose. As for the shades of pantyhose I have become quite fond of beige mist. Suntan always makes me look like all of the color in my body has drained into my legs. I have gotten queen size for quite some time because they are usually long enough and they don't make me feel shrink-wrapped. I do giggle when I see the Queen 2 size because it makes me think of the QE2 cruise ship---now that's an impressive size! (Please don't be offended if you wear that size---we all try to limit the number of plies we have to do to get pantyhose up to our waists) It is probably a good thing that the smallest sizes aren't called Peasant Size.
I probably should invest in the department store variety instead of grabbing a pair with my groceries but from past experience they don't last me that much longer----just like I won't invest more than $10 on sunglasses because I either sit on them or lose them. I am really thankful for pantyhose. After all, they keep me feeling tucked-in and they provide some nice covering for my spidery veins, not to mention my white legs---which aren't a porcelain white but more of a white fish on the beach white. I really do think a roll of pantyhose is a great idea...but then would they be sized by gallons?
