Motherhood Part 2---The Bright Side

Happy Mother's Day! I thought I had better write while it was still Mother's Day and I couldn't leave you with nothing but the dark side...


Most women who aren't fond of Mother's Day have their reasons. Some women would love to be mothers but aren't. Some women grieve for a child they have had and held and lost. Some women would love to share the day with their mothers but can't. Some women don't feel deserving of all the attention because they don't think of themselves as being good mothers. Other women feel pressured by the accolades. And there are some women who try to be good mothers but feel left out of the celebration because they feel like their families don't notice or care.

I guess the reasons for not liking Mother's day could be condensed into three main areas; having empty spots in the heart, having unreasonably high expectations, and failing to see a cause for celebration.

Have you ever noticed how heavy an empty heart feels? That's because it isn't empty but it's filled with the wrong stuff. In the Sermon on the Mount our Savior says Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. Righteousness is goodness. If we seek to be filled with goodness then the grief and pain and loneliness will have less space in our hearts.

I saw a cute Mother's Day card that said something like, 'Behind every good kid is a mother who thinks she is doing a lousy job'. Like other mothers I have my share of regrets---things I wish I would have done differently in raising my children. But Heavenly Father gave me a happy thought. When we look back we tend to judge ourselves by what we know now. I like to think that most of the time we did the best we could according to what we knew and felt at the time.
{Advice for new mothers: Do all you can to minimize regrets. Your children will grow up faster than you can imagine. Don't put off enjoying them.} We should all strive to do better but we should give ourselves credit for trying to be good mothers. It is good to expect the best from our families but it is important to give them credit for trying too. We need to remember that the fruit of our labors needs to ripen for awhile before we can taste of its sweetness.

Do you ever notice how women tell everyone not to go to a lot of bother or make a big fuss but then they cry when people honor their wishes. I can see where Mother's Day can be like a test with trick questions for our husbands and children. We really need to make it an open book test and be easier on our grading. Sometimes our families aren't that good at pampering but they excel in other areas. We need to look for what they do right. Mother's Day is a good opportunity to show appreciation for mothers and for the divine mothering qualities in women, but all appreciation should not be reserved for that one day. Talk about unrealistic expectations.

Little children are very good at reminding us of the best gifts. All the impressive gifts in the glossy newspaper ads pale in comparison to dandelions clutched in chubby little hands and funny stick figure pictures signed with I Love You in scrawling crayon letters. Little notes of appreciation are cherished and read again and again. A Mother's Day that shines in my memory is one where all four of my children worked together on a special breakfast for me. My oldest daughter did most of the cooking, my younger daughters made decorations and a menu and my son very nicely acted as my waiter. The whole thing was an idea that my son had gotten from a story in The Friend magazine. I couldn't have felt more pampered had I eaten an extravagant buffet in an upscale restaurant or felt more truly loved than I did sitting at my breakfast table that morning being served by my sweet children. There is cause to celebrate in shy hugs, loving glances, awkward words of gratitude, sleepy heads resting on your shoulder, burnt toast and soggy pancakes, and flowers that are really weeds. Motherhood can be a thankless job but usually only if we let it.

When my kids were younger it seemed that they were always extra difficult on Mother's Day and I was extra grumpy. I would go to church after yelling at my children and listen to talks about how wonderful other mothers were. I would look around and feel like all the other women were wearing corsages but me (In reality maybe 3 or 4)---they had evidence of their husbands' admiration pinned like medals on their chests. After the talks made me feel heavy with guilt and shame I would have to stand up and wait for a prize I felt I didn't deserve---a flower that dared me to keep it alive. But I would take home the flower and do what? I would try and nurture it and help it to grow because I am a mother and that is what I do.

Hooray! Today in our ward all women over 18 got fudge brownies. The only thing better would have been a spare pair of pantihose!
Celebrate today and tomorrow and the next day. Let's bring motherhood out into the light where it belongs.

Motherhood Part 1---The Dark Side

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. That gives some women a day to look forward to and others a day to dread. I have heard quite a few women express their strong dislike for Mother's Day. Some even say they hate it. This negative attitude toward a day to celebrate mothers combined in my mind with lots of ads I have seen lately for the perfect gifts for mom and this is what happened...
Warning! The following will come across as quite negative but there will be a positive turn in part two. Stay with me now...
(Told from an everymother point of view)
Dear People Shopping for Mother's Day gifts,
Hear are a few suggestions---
Jewelry's always nice. How about a #1Mom pin to make me laugh or make me cry if other people laugh when I wear it.
Some chocolate would be really sweet. Just be sure to include a set of scales that always show 125 pounds no matter how much chocolate I consume---or you could get me a cute jogging outfit but be careful with that one---even on high doses of chocolate I can be sensitive and slightly paranoid.
Perfume would be great to hide the smell of baby throwup on those days I don't get time to shower. (Because the baby's sick and throwing up)
Flowers would be greatly appreciated in case I don't get around to planting any and I could relate to them when they wilt.
A pretty scarf would be just the thing to cover the increasing number of creases in my neck.
A gliding rocker would help me get the baby to sleep and maybe relax me after the baby's in bed and I can't sleep.
A handbag would be great---but get a big one---one that's large enough for me to carry around all my guilt---better yet, a carry on with wheels would probably be easier on my back.
Some new cookware would be nice with a large pot that I could use for stew. I'm good at stewing...bakeware would be good too---I could whip up a batch of worries in no time and serve them with a generous helping of regret.
How about a watch? You could get me a magnetic to-do list to go with it so I could be reminded of how much I have to do and how little time I have to do it.
Or maybe you could give me a coupon for a free massage---It can be a real pain in the neck carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders...
Maybe the best idea of all would be an elegantly decorated stick to beat myself with...