Consuming

Today I made a Costco run. My motivation was to get some fruit leather strips to put in my daugter's lunches. Of course, there are always some items I can pick up for storage and I had some Costco coupons. I love to save money but at Costco you spend money to save it if you know what I mean. I always experience a combination of excitement (the thrill of the hunt for good deals) and guilt when I shop at Costco. I feel like someone could take a picture of me struggling to push my overloaded cart and I could become a poster woman for the mega-consuming, wasteful, spoiled, reveling in excess, capitalistic American; at least the American pictured in the minds of some people in other countries.

Don't get me wrong, I like membership wholesale shopping places. That is why I am a card-carrying member. (Once we let our membership expire for a while and I felt almost underprivileged) They really help out when building your two-year supply or shopping for girl's camp or ward parties, or even wedding gifts and they are a great place for men who want to impress that special woman with flowers without paying an outrageous amount of money. It's just that there are so many wants masquerading as needs standing in the aisles and beckoning... Right when I walked in the door today I was faced with temptation in the form of the latest Disney movie on DVD for a terrific price. I happily put it in my cart but then I put it back because I haven't even seen the movie yet to know if I want to own it. (I think it is genetic but when I shop I will frequently put something in my cart and drive around with it for awhile and then put it back and stand and stare at for a bit like I am waiting for it to jump in my cart or beg me to buy it. I probably drive security people crazy with all my suspicious looking pondering and indecisiveness) Just a few feet farther was the newest Fablehaven book for a heck of a deal. Then there were spring bulbs, fruit trees,indoor/outdoor carpeting I could use on my deck, car mats, Danishes to die for, etc. etc. etc. (I resisted but made a list of what to convince myself I need on my next trip)

I did get the fruit leather strips and a cart full of mostly needed items like softener salt, laundry detergent and chewable calcium. I did splurge on some dried fruit and some really just cute mini angel food cakes. I still ended up spending probably more money than many people in poorer (Costcoless) countries earn in a year. The total packaging (one of my pet peeves about Costco is their vast amounts of packaging---over-sized boxes with bags inside) of my items would probably be considered enviable housing material in some places and the amount of samples I consumed (some samples I couldn't get to) was most likely more food than some children eat in a day. You see where the guilt comes from? At Costco you not only run the risk of buying things you don't need but you end up buying large amounts of what you don't need and you find comfort in how much money you saved. So many choices, so much fun stuff, so much cost in Costco!

Random thoughts: Today I was reading in my scriptures about the destruction of a people who became consumed with hatred for one another. I thought about the phrase 'consumed with hatred' and how hatred eats you up. When your heart is filled with hatred your heart becomes hard and too small for goodness---your soul is diminished. By way of contrast, we often hear the phrase 'filled with love'. When your heart is filled with love it expands and your soul is enlarged. Hate takes away. Love adds.

My husband learned on a cooking show the other night that you shouldn't refrigerate tomatoes and you don't need to refrigerate ketchup (or even catsup). None of my children like tomatoes except in the form of ketchup. I don't think they would like warm tomatoes any better than cold tomatoes. I like either but I am quite fond of cold ketchup. It seems fresher and healthier that way. I know it sits out on restaurant tables (and I eat it because I do consider it almost a food group)but I find it better to not think about that too much. You see my mother had an unusual (okay,icky) habit of licking the syrup drips on our syrup container at home and that has made me a bit suspicious of syrup containers as well as ketchup bottles in restaurants.

How does all of this fit together? Giddy comsumerism at Costco, consuming hatred, and unrefrigerated tomatoes...Well I love spending so I can save at Costco and at least it fills my pantry. (And I come up with really good reasons for needing what I buy)I sometimes hate the price of groceries anywhere you go now but I am not going to let it become a consuming hatred---I need the space in my heart for more love. And now I can buy a huge bag of tomatoes at Costco and not worry about them taking up space in my refrigerator---space that I need for the gallon jug of Ketchup!

Now tell me, what do you see from your window on the world?