Motherhood Part 1---The Dark Side

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. That gives some women a day to look forward to and others a day to dread. I have heard quite a few women express their strong dislike for Mother's Day. Some even say they hate it. This negative attitude toward a day to celebrate mothers combined in my mind with lots of ads I have seen lately for the perfect gifts for mom and this is what happened...
Warning! The following will come across as quite negative but there will be a positive turn in part two. Stay with me now...
(Told from an everymother point of view)
Dear People Shopping for Mother's Day gifts,
Hear are a few suggestions---
Jewelry's always nice. How about a #1Mom pin to make me laugh or make me cry if other people laugh when I wear it.
Some chocolate would be really sweet. Just be sure to include a set of scales that always show 125 pounds no matter how much chocolate I consume---or you could get me a cute jogging outfit but be careful with that one---even on high doses of chocolate I can be sensitive and slightly paranoid.
Perfume would be great to hide the smell of baby throwup on those days I don't get time to shower. (Because the baby's sick and throwing up)
Flowers would be greatly appreciated in case I don't get around to planting any and I could relate to them when they wilt.
A pretty scarf would be just the thing to cover the increasing number of creases in my neck.
A gliding rocker would help me get the baby to sleep and maybe relax me after the baby's in bed and I can't sleep.
A handbag would be great---but get a big one---one that's large enough for me to carry around all my guilt---better yet, a carry on with wheels would probably be easier on my back.
Some new cookware would be nice with a large pot that I could use for stew. I'm good at stewing...bakeware would be good too---I could whip up a batch of worries in no time and serve them with a generous helping of regret.
How about a watch? You could get me a magnetic to-do list to go with it so I could be reminded of how much I have to do and how little time I have to do it.
Or maybe you could give me a coupon for a free massage---It can be a real pain in the neck carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders...
Maybe the best idea of all would be an elegantly decorated stick to beat myself with...